my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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