somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
