Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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