and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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