oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
