Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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