Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Someone came in the potted fern
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
