I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
