At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
