I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
