So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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