I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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