you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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