You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
