Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
