Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize