it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
