Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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