The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she peed on how many people?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
