The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
