I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
