In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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