So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
