12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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