I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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