my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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