I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
