Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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