i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
