i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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