lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
