The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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