Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
