Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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