Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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