if you like me you must not know who I am
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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