The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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