I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
