I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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