I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
