he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
