just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
