Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
