we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
