you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
