You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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