what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
