i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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