If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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