he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
