Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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