Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
