I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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