my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize