i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
