YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
