dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
