and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
