Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
