OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
