weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
