I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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