dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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