Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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